How to Spell and Write Like a Baby in a Chat Session

Chatting in diaper rooms is a common pastime for Adult Babies, but few of them can manipulate their spelling and word selection so that they will appear like a baby or toddler to the reader on the other end. This article is meant to address the problem of how to create the illusion that the writer is a baby who is just past the age of babbling or a toddler who is barely able to communicate in chat rooms and in printed documents.

This article consists of three rules sections; content, spelling, punctuation, sentence construction and vocabulary restrictions as well as an example of baby writing in three font styles, with appendixes on sentence and vocabulary development, a baby lexicon with spellings, and a link to our library of Baby Fonts.

It has been estimated by linguists that a minimum of three hundred words in a particular language is sufficient to survive albeit at the linguistic level of a toddler. The ability to speak and to understand are two different skill sets. Babies understand more words than they can speak. When an AB is "chatting" in a room, a certain amount of suspension of disbelief must occur. Since physiological babies don't write, the object is to write with spelling that is appropriate to someone who has just mastered elementary writing skills, but use misspellings that convey the impression that the author is using a phonemic-based spelling based upon a baby's or toddler's pronunciation of words. Also, since the available vocabulary of toddlers is quite small, thoughts must be expressed in the simplest fashion.

Babies begin with single words and work their way up to two and three word sentences. A complex sentence of five words or more does not occur until the ages of three and four. If the proper use of the past tense is considered the delimiting factor, than an upper age of five is the boundary. This would yield a vocabulary limit of 1500 words with a five-word limit on the sentence length. (See Appendix A: Developmental Criterions for Baby Talk)

Obviously, these lemmas will be exceeded in normal conversation, in particular, the five-word sentence limit. If the other rules are observed however, no one should notice. If a babylike spelling and word choice as well as infantile responses (content) are observed, then the mere application of the appropriate font will give the illusion of a baby whose mispronounced words are being transliterated verbatim.

If an appropriate font is used, such as in the following examples, the effect can be quite striking.

(Note that the standard font makes it easy to read, but does not create the perfect illusion of the author being a baby or toddler. The second and third examples will demonstrate the difference clearly.)

momy bots me tedde aw kends ob pwesents todas!

momy toks hims woowy sweetwa offs las nite ans hims was so so soft! mes cuddwa wid hims aw nites! dat woowy sweeatwa ichys!

she bots soms poo bar onsys fowa mes tedde an to poo binkys ans a poo cwip to howd de binky to de onsys!

one is gowen an de oder is whits! de gowen on gots a piktur ob poo dancng on de fwonts wid bwu wetters! me lubs bwu! It me favowits cowar! de gowen onsys wooks nis wid hims bwon furs!

de oder gots witwa pikturs ob dancng poos wid huny beeees an stwaw beee hibs! de cwip gots a pwastik ppoo bars on its to! eben de binkys gots pikturs ob poos fas!

de poo bare on de cwip fass de piktur ob dancng poo on de onsy poos handd in fwont ob hims fas wid hims laafng ats de piktur ob hims dancng it funy to sees poos laafng at himsewbs!

momy says mowow shes wi gets soms nis yewo pwastik pantys to gos wid hims gowen onsy! dat ways hims can wewas yewo panys wid hims gowen onsy ans whit pantys wid hims whit onsy!

hims wewas de puwpuwa wid whit handwa binky wid de gowen onsy ans a whit binky wids a puwpuwa handwa wiids de whit onsy!

hims wooks so kuts wid hims gowen onsy an binky!

hims wooks so kuts wid hims whit pwastik pantys pwayng pee-a-booos wherd hims onsy snanps upps!

goo nites! me lubs yu! me be goo baby fowa momy!

momy say xoxoox!

dat means hugs an kwisss!

(Note that there are the reversed letters as well as an absence of lower case letters. Developmentally, this is a more primitive style, but it is extremely difficult to read.)

(Note how the Tabatha font is easier to read, but has hidden clues to an older child. The advantage of the Tabatha font is the extreme variance in stroke width and slant giving it the appearance of a younger child plus the advantage of greater readability. The uneven stroke width and varying letter slant make it appear like the product of an even younger writer than the First Grader Font because capitals are not used. The slant of the majority of letters indicates a right-handed pen, but the stroke has a decided variance in the angle of slant.

There is a subconscious tendency on the part of the reader to assume that the lack of capitals is more infantile, but the reverse is actually true. This font appears submissive and helpless on the face of it. It is interesting to note that a submissive in a M/s relationship is commonly forbidden the use of capitals in his or her written communications. The loss of the reversed letters is the worst property of this font, but its advantages in readability far outweigh its disadvantages if upper case letters are not used.)

Appendix B: A Short Lexicon of Baby Talk with Suggested Phonemic Baby Spellings

her pron. 1. her (first-person singular feminine objective-case pronoun) 2. She (first-person singular feminine nominative-case pronoun).

him pron. 1. him (first-person singular masculine objective-case pronoun) 2. He (first-person singular masculine nominative-case pronoun)

momy n. momy mor adj. 1) a greater amount 2) may be used as a demand to be served as in "Mor!"

tushie or tushy or tusy or tusee or tuchy or tuchee n. 1. The posterior, derriere, buttocks. 2. The anus.

These are in relative order by the lack of penmanship, i.e., inappropriate capitalization, letter reversal, unevenness of stroke, etc. Oddly Kindergarten font is closer to a First Grade Font than the First Grade font is!